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Kitchen 

2. Quarantine?  

Dishwasher

Bored of the same-old quarantine meals? Try cooking them in your Modern-a-la-Mode compact dishwasher! Although some dishes may come out soggy and dry (at the same time!), the intense heat and steam seals in juices to give your pork roast a certain je-ne-sais-quoi. Also, cleaning up is as simple as running the dishwasher again! Why not use it as your dining room table while you’re at it? Synergy!

Marshmallows

Now that summer camps are closed, lil’ Timmy is starting to feel pretty restless. Bring the joys of nature and the onset of a vague spirituality inspired by the vastness of a star-speckled night sky to him by roasting treats over your quadricompartment, Aga Supreme gas range and stove! Help him discover the burgeoning agency of adolescence with this watershed moment for his personal development. (For added realism, burn pine needles and antagonize a local wolf to simulate howling.)

Fridge

Although we usually love the warm summer breeze as it dances past our skin, this oppressive heat is downright stifling now that we are stuck in poorly-circulated, stagnant flats. Thank God for the refreshing coolness and mercifully numbing capabilities of the stainless-steel, double-door, glace-class refrigerator. Simply open the door and sit by the overpour of cold air. Close your eyes and pretend you are in the Tundra!

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